Yes, she has friends....

Well, it finally happened. Not to my child in particular, but to a friend's child. Upon learning the child is homeschooled the adult says to child (in a worried and confused tone of voice) "But you do get out though...to be with other children?" And the child, with an equally confused face (but for very different reasons) shrugs and walks off to speak with someone who isn't so befuddled. The child, of course, is thinking of the 4-hour playdate he had that day with a group of friends, the karate class he had yesterday, the homeschooling art class, the field trip to the museum last week, the get-together he's having tomorrow morning with friends.....

The question is harmless, I suppose, but it is very indicative of most people's ignorance, not only about homeschooling in general, but about what normal socializing and socialization should look like for children. And generally speaking, most people don't know the difference between the two. Socialization is, loosely speaking, the process by which culture is learned, where individuals internalize a culture's social norms, and learn values about right and wrong. Socializing, on the other hand, is hanging out with your friends.

Do people honestly believe that being in a schoolroom for 6 - 7 hours per day, with the same group of children everyday, competing with one another for the teacher's attention, for grades, for boys, for the coolest clothes - do people really believe this is a healthy environment for children? This is not good socialization, people. My children play with children from babies to preteens, they interact with adults during our outings during the day, and I would argue that one afternoon playdate is more "socializing" with their friends than their schooled counterparts get in a week.

I would like to add that I am not anti-public school. And I am not arguing that homeschoolers are better socialized than their schooled peers. There are lots of freaky homeschoolers out there! But study after study shows how kids are bullied starting in kindergarten, I've seen the cliquey mean 7 year old girls on the playground, and I have to say no, thank you. Here in MA, public education is struggling under the weight of MCAS, a high-stakes standardized test that all children are required to take starting in third grade. The entire public school system is a slave to the test, and our children are suffering for it. But I digress...

Anyway, yes, my childen have friends. Yes, we leave the house. In fact, there are so many field trips, classes, activities, and get-togethers that this first year has been a real balancing act. I don't want to do so much that we are never home! And so the next time an adult asks my kids if they have friends or ever leave the house, I hope they shrug and walk away and look at them like they are clueless. Because, after all, they usually are.